Hey y’all, happy hump day!
I hope you’re having a fantastic start to the week and if not…hang in there!
I thought I’d write about something quite personal today. It’s something that I’ve been meaning to write about for the longest time.
What’s it really like dating a younger guy?
I think the best way to sum up my answer to that is that age has no bearing on maturity.
Before I go into the meatier parts of this post I just wanted to disclaim a few things: I am still dating my boyfriend. We have been together for 1 year and 9 months now.
I tend not to post much on social media about my relationship with my boyfriend or social outings in general because I go by the no-phone-full-and-undivided-attention rule. There’s nothing worse than having to speak to someone who’s constantly glancing over at their phone screen mid conversation. Just rude. I love being completely present in the moment and dropping everything to listen to my company.
Taking couple photos is great, there’s nothing wrong with that! We just choose not to post about it online because we prefer to keep our relationship to ourselves rather than broadcasting it to the public eye. We don’t feel the need to validate our relationship online. Posts captioned “HERE’S MY BABE GIVING ME A BACK MASSAGE. HE’S ALL MINE. BACK OFF LADIES” make me cringe and puzzle me a little. Why do you need to mark your territory like that? If you trust each other then you won’t need to mark your territory, and a single bae-appreciation post isn’t magically going to shoo people away.
Also, what do you do when you breakup? You have to claw all those posts back down. It’s effort-ful.
Nor do I want people to know where I go on our dates.
GREAT! Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get straight into the meaty part.
My boyfriend is a few years younger than me. Three years to be precise. We met at an inter-varsity (UTS v UNSW v USYD) sporting event organised by my best friend and total babe, Karen. The bf and I both played on the same basketball team for USYD and I was the only female on our team which was kinda awkward, where are all my bball gal pals at? Soon enough we both noticed each other because let’s be real, if you’re going to play any sport with strangers you’re going to need to know their name as a very basic right?
Lol just kidding. I noticed him immediately because I was immensely attracted to him! Tall, good looking and nice hair. I thought to myself *F***ing hell! thank GOD I put on make-up today*.
GAWD I played shit that day. I missed every single basket that I shot and the only thing I excelled at on the court was defending. I had decent endurance and stamina (aye hehe) on the court (get your mind out of the gutter you durty minded boy/gurl!!) so I ran like a maniac with my arms flailing up in the air. I did good though. I reckon I defended well. lol.
Meanwhile, the bf was being a majestic human being because he scored about 50% of the points for the team. Why do sporty guys turn me on so much?
We started chatting with each other on the sidelines when we were subbed off and I unintentionally started grilling him about who he his/ which high school he went to. Information like this is vital to get a feel for the kind of person he might be. Supposedly I came across as nosy and a little interrogative – a confession he made several months later when we started dating officially.
The game ended and I was evidently interested in this guy. He was a gentleman (which is unheard of among millennials), had great banter and I was extremely physically attracted to him so I made him my target and I was going to demolish him. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING. Gosh, that sounds so aggressive. But no really, I didn’t want the basketball event to be the last time we’d ever meet so I sussed out how he was getting home from the basketball game and I sneakily coordinated it such that we both got dropped off at Central Station.
Later that night there was an after party for the inter-varsity event and I expected him to be there but he didn’t show up. Devastated. We were supposed to dance with each other and get jiggly together! He did, however, manage to find me on Facebook and sent me a cute message apologising that he couldn’t be there later that night. HOW SWEET right? Mind you, we had only met for a few hours on the basketball court.
I think from the very outset we were interested in each other, but I was very hesitant to express my feelings openly to him because I was afraid he’d think the age gap would be problematic. I kept everything extremely neutral (well tried to) and after 3 months of chasing, we finally started dating and we’ve still been together to this day.
Oftentimes I worried and got anxious about the longevity of our relationship because I thought, wouldn’t entering into a relationship with him make him feel like it’s all happening too fast, too quick? Don’t guys his age just want a quick root n boot? Don’t guys his age hate the idea of commitment and signing up for anything? If anyone’s going to change their mind, wouldn’t it be him? Won’t I be the one at a loss?
BUT GURRRRL. I f***ing slapped my own face and snapped out of that mentality like a lightning bolt when I realised that I’m a lowkey feminist and I shouldn’t sell myself short to anyone! What’s the use in worrying when you could be channeling that energy in to striving to bring the best out of each other, or keeping the relationship alive and planning adventurous outings? Stop worrying and just be the best version of yourself.
The bf and I have openly communicated with each other since day 1 and yes, while there’s a small age gap, he’s surprised me with his maturity and thoughtfulness everyday. As I said up there, age has no bearing on maturity. I know 19 year olds who are more disciplined and mature than 29year olds. Sometimes the bf surprises me in the wrong way by falling asleep for 16 hours straight, or by spraying my deodorant over his face thinking that it’s my face mist. But most of the time, he’s extremely thoughtful and the age has never been an issue before.
Trusting each other and encouraging all aspects of the other person’s life is a huge thing for us. If we restricted each other’s freedom in any way, I can see that would place a huge strain on our relationship. I’ve personally been in a relationship before where my social activities drastically reduced because there was no trust, and the guy wanted to chain me down. That was painful.
That’s a wrap fr #14! I hope that was an entertaining read.
CATCHASOON HAM FAM xox