#35 – Answering your relationship questions (Attn USYD law ladies: My friend WANTS YOU)

Hey y’all!

I hope you’re having a relaxing Saturday or you’re smashing through your studies (unlike me). I’m sat here with a pore-tightening mud mask on and I’ve hopped back on to answer a couple of your relationship questions. It seems that y’all like to confide in me about the butterflies you have for that special someone. Call me love guru JOJO.

To the authors of these questions, I’m sincerely sorry about the gross delay with answering them. I host my “Ask me a question anonymously” through Ninja Forms, and I hadn’t yet figured out how to sync it with email notifications. Because I didn’t receive any notifications, it also meant that I didn’t know people were writing in UNLESS I manually checked the forms (something which I don’t often do). Rest assured I’ve followed up with the support team at Ninja Forms  and I’ve figured this sh*t out and fixed it! I promise I won’t let you guys down again!!

Now onto the questions….

Anonymous asks:

Hey Joanne,

I was hoping to get your thoughts on my current situation. I have a huge crush on one of your friends from Usyd law.. My issue is that I have no idea how to approach her over it. I graduated from Usyd Law in November last year and am working full time in the city.

She is still at Usyd – this is where the issue arises.. Because we don’t really have the same friend networks, I doubt that we will ever run into one-another in person. In this modern day and age, do you think it is worth connecting with her on Facebook or is that a cop-out?

I have always felt that meeting face-to-face is best means of introduction – this is why I am hesitant to approach her over social media. Any advice would be much appreciated 🙂 Great blog btw!

Hi Anonymous!

Your question made me squeal like a f*cking 14 year old fan girl at a Justin Bieber concert and I totally turned your question into a clickbait title for this blog post, my apologies. #Sorrynotsorry haha!

Cutting straight to the chase, you have a crush on one of my friends studying law. I don’t have many single friends at USYD / most are graduating/ have already graduated so I’m genuinely bewildered as to who the gal is (but that’s the whole point of this being anonymous, right).

To get a little more context, may I ask how you go to know her and why you have a crush on her? Are you around for a quick f*ck or are you a genuine guy, willing to give dating a proper shot?Are you attracted to her physically? Does she have an infectious personality? Are you on her radar or are you just admiring from afar? (Admiring from afar as in, you keep up to date with her by dressing up in a bush costume, and you peer through a trusty pair of binoculars to see what she’s up to.)

Let me be real honest with you here. YOU WILL FAIL to get positive progress with getting to know this gal if you’re thinking with your d*ck. YOU WILL FAIL.

BUT, if you’re genuine and you want to get to know her because you adore her personality, her values, her drive, her creativity, her humour, then great! This can potentially be the start of something extremely special. The key to winning her over is being authentic. I’ll elaborate a little more in a sec.

If there’s no real window of opportunity to meet the gal in person, I think it’s perfectly okay to connect with her via Facebook! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that SO LONG as you’re authentic and come across as being nothing but genuine.

Something along the lines of….

“Hi Pam, I’m Ben! I know this is completely random and I never usually do something like this, but I think you have an amazing personality and I’d love the chance to get to you know you better. We briefly met at Tara’s party and since then I’ve been hoping for the chance to bump into you again but no luck!…..” etc.

This message isn’t perfect but what I’ve tried to do is provide context as to when/how you got to know her, communicate to her that you find her attractive and include a call to action (suggesting a meet up or what not). Theses are implicit ways of showing your authenticity; by triggering her memory (of how you met), being honest with her and explaining the real reason WHY you want to meet her. Being authentic with your intentions will make you sound less seedy and will likely result in a positive outcome 🙂

Strike while the iron is hot; before she gets scooped up by another charming young man!

I hope that helps and feel free to reach out to me via Facebook if you’d like to chat.

GOOD LUCK!

Gangnam style asks:

How do you tell the difference between ‘a mind that has wandered off because the relationship is getting boring’ with ‘we do not fit’? In terms of long-term relationships, i am sure it would be possible for someone to delude themselves into thinking that their significant other is the one and say ‘they aren’t that bad’ and then ride out the relationships and the ups and downs.

So basically, how would you deal with a situation where you have been in a long-term relationship (e.g. 10 years) and suddenly have a change of heart because there are better people out there with fewer tolerable habits like the person i am dating now?

Hi Gangnam style!

I’m so sorry for the extreme delay with getting back to you 🙁 How are you doing? Are things going okay between you and your partner? How old are you? I’m not sure if my response to your question will be relevant to you anymore but, here goes!

Whoa this is a great question and I love how ON POINT you are with describing the dynamics of a long term relationship. I feel like this is something that many couples might be able to relate to and the short answer to your question is communication.

It seems like you’ve lost the spark to your relationship, and it seems like you’re not excited by your other half as much as when you both started dating. Would you say that that’s about right? It’s natural to feel comfortable around each other but it’s not okay to feel out of love, or under-appreciated or uninspired because this will eat into every other aspect of your life. A poor relationship with your partner will negatively influence your motivation and energy for life and it’s unhealthy for you to let this drag on – you only deserve the best.

Where is your headspace at? What do you want? Do you want to leave the relationship or would you like to mend what you have now?

Here’s what I think you need to do about your immediate situation:

  1. Brainstorm why you don’t feel as “in love” with your partner anymore. Do you feel like he/she doesn’t put enough effort into the relationship, do you feel like they don’t plan date nights anymore, are they out of shape, are they being selfish, are they too busy with work, are your conversations dead and no longer intellectually stimulating? Really get to the bottom of why you feel “out of love”.
  2. Brainstorm what’s missing in the relationship and where you’d ideally like to be with your partner.
  3. Don’t waste time. I urge you to carve out some time to speak to your partner about this immediately and tackle this head on. Share how the two of you truly feel about the direction of your relationship.
  4. Explain how these factors are affecting you and how they’re making you falter/ have doubts about the relationship.
  5. Hear your partner out and listen to how they feel, and if they have any feedback for you.
  6. Find solutions to work through the knots in your relationship. Change won’t happen unless you guys genuinely WANT things to work. Keep motivated and give each other positive affirmations when you appreciate something they’ve done for you.
  7. Check in with each other and ASK each other how you feel after making those changes.
  8. Keep communicating with each other and see how things change for the better.

Open and honest communication with your partner will help clear your mind and mend your relationship with your partner.

I hope that helps!

Much love,

Jo xx

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