#28 – How do you deal with toxic friendships?

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Hi everyone!

I hope you’re settling well into your Monday grind whether it be work or uni. If you’re new to Iamennaojkim.com, welcome and thank you for visiting! I’ve been using the blog as a primary platform for creative expression- be it sharing personal style posts, sketches, and music playlists. I occasionally rant, write about my treasure hunts and cover heavy topics like depression and eating disorders. Whether you’re a gal or guy in your teens or thirties, I sincerely hope there’s something in this blog for you. My goal is to write about relatable content so I hope this space provides you plenty of SAME HERE or LOL moments.

As the title suggests, today I’ll be writing about toxic relationships. I’ll begin by sharing my thoughts on the peculiar nature of 21st century friendships and our tendency to mindless include people in our friendship circles. I’ll then identify some key ingredients that brew the perfect concoction for a toxic friendship.

Before I get into the meaty bits, I’d to start with a quick show of hands. If you’ve been stung by a snake before, please put yo paws up high.

(When I write these posts I imagine us all gathered in a room, with me standing up on a podium hehe.)

Yeah, farq. That’s A LOT of you. Golly goodness! COS ME TOO.

If you know me well enough, I’ve probably told you a couple stories about the venomous snakes and the low lives I’ve encountered thus far. These people exist everywhere.

It’s unfortunate that I’ve met a handful of rotten eggs but what’s fortunate is that I’ve moved on and I’ve used these experiences to be smarter with who I let into my world. By no means am I claiming to be worldly, but I certainly feel that over the past couple of years, I’ve refined my ability to differentiate between quality and rubbish people. The best part is, culling people out of my life has been the healthiest decision ever and I’ve never been happier!

Friendship in the 21st century is a peculiar thing.

As comical as my representation of modern day friendship might seem (pun intended), it’s also a somewhat accurate reflection of how the omnipresence of social media has distorted our sense of true friendship; it’s placed us under the false pretence that having someone as a part of your network = friendship.

It also shows how our addiction to platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Linked In (lol I threw this in for all you ambitious networkers) has made it so much easier for us to mindlessly connect with people. This “mindless” act of befriending through a friend request on Facebook or a follow on Instagram got me thinking:

Are we clear on who’s an acquaintance and who’s a friend?

More importantly, are we auditing our friendships enough?

People change and relationships change. What’s the utility in hoarding all those friendships that mean nothing to you? What’s the use in sharing milestones in your life with people who couldn’t give a flying f*ck?

How do you know when its toxic*?

When they’re….

  1. Always trying to bring you down. They make you feel inadequate and incompetent all the time. People who aren’t happy with themselves can’t bear to see other people shine.
  2. Constantly reminding you of your flaws.
  3. Only see you as a beneficial resource and nothing but that. Or more simply, parasites.
  4. Aren’t grateful. The amount of people I’ve met who don’t say a simple thank you is mind bogglingly crazy. Has this got something to do with the way they were brought up? What was missing?
  5. Pessimistic and opinionated people. Those who are skeptical about every f***ing thing and always have to make negative commentary.
  6. Chronic complainers.
  7. Have an inferiority complex. They’re constantly belittling you and asserting how their life is so much better than yours.
  8. They have a degrading sense of humour. Those who use insults to get cheap laughs all the time are plain f***ing insensitive.
  9. Too engrossed in themselves. It’s all about them and how things have to be shifted to suit them.
  10. Sh*t with money. I once had a friend who made me pay for a $100 taxi ride all by myself when the trip was shared. Don’t be THAT person. Be prompt with paying your friends back.

*This is not an exhaustive list.

Other unappealing traits…

  1. People who have issues with giving compliments.
  2. Accusative people. The kind of person who is tunnel visioned and points fingers rather than taking a step back to resolve the situation.
  3. Pretty people with an ugly personality. What’s the use in being pretty if your personality doesn’t live up to it?
  4. People who send 1-3 word replies. Where’s the ****ing sincerity?
  5. People who don’t say hi to you on the streets when you clearly know each other.
  6. People who never say hi first.
  7. People who don’t know how to agree to disagree. They can’t hack the fact that someone holds a different opinion. They simply can’t accept that you disagree with them.
  8. People who don’t prioritise your friendship won’t reply as fast. I’m too inadequate for them and so I’m not worth their time
  9. When people don’t want to get into the details of things because they’re too irritated to talk to you

How do you cut off the friendship?

You can be confrontational and address how you feel about the person head on. If that’s not your thing, try weaning yourself from the person. Talk to them less. But try not to burn bridges. You never know when and where you might run into them again.

Do you not feel guilty about it?

F*** nah. You only deserve genuine, honest and caring friendships. Why should you drag yourself through something so degrading and toxic?

The reality is, we eventually become a mirror reflection of the people around us. If we surround ourselves with toxic people, there’s a high chance that we’ll start mimicking their traits.

Do not waste your time on people who don’t value you.

How do you move on from it?

By venting to the BF and scrolling through dog groups on Facebook. Visiting the dog park to pat some pups IRL is also amazing for lifting my mood.

I hope you enjoyed the post folks!

xx

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