#23 – We fought and I cried

Hey y’all!

I hope that you’re powering through your week!

All is well at my end of the world after a particularly shitacular week last week! I’ve finally signed myself up for a gym membership and my skin has finally calmed down after being irritated for the past 3 months.

So in case you’re wondering why I haven’t made much mention of Mike, it’s because he’s been travelling in Singapore! Remember how I said that I was upset with him last week? Well if I’m going to be completely honest with you, I was upset because his trip left virtually no time for us to enjoy our July break together. I’m no inhibitor of fun trips, adventures and bonding with friends. I myself would POUNCE at any opportunity to get out of Sydney, so a trip to Singapore with your friends? F*cking hell yeah! But I was upset because I didn’t feel like we invested in us enough. I felt like we barely had time for ourselves and he was leaving to play with his friends. More importantly, I was upset with how the quality of our conversations deteriorated into meaningless fluff.

For instance:

Me: How was your day today! What did you get up to?

Him: Oh yeah it was good!

Me: I saw you did X, Y and Z! That looked so awesome

Him: Yeahhh it was goood

FFS. Say ‘good’ again and I will inflict GBH on you haha. My eye was twitching. PRO TIP for all you men out there trying to get laid, chase a girl, break free from the friend-zone, WORK ON YOUR MF conversational skills. By responding to questions with ‘good’ you’re closing the conversation off and it really puts people off. Conversations are a two way street. Is it that MF hard to try and engage with what the other person has just said? Y’all need to listen more and engage.

Same shit happened this morning when I was chatting with someone in the elevator. Goddammit it was painful. I was evidently making an effort to make some small talk since but he only responded with ‘good’. I had nothing to say. Just thinking about this makes me want to punch a wall. Thank goodness I’m attending the body pump class tonight (it involves a lot of punching lol).

Back to Mike. Sure, I was happy for him for being able to spend quality time with his mates overseas. But at least take the time to send messages that show me you still have me in your thoughts while you’re overseas. All I ask for is thoughtfulness. I am the cutest MF flower petal alive and he had the audacity to put zero effort into our conversations. Like…how dare he?

I exploded with frustration last Saturday and gave him exactly a piece of my thoughts. I exploded in tears while on my way to Glebe Markets with Sienna (sorry for being a party pooper) and said something to the effect of don’t you dare half-ass this relationship. I miss the old Mike. You’ve changed. Bring the old Mike back.

I was all sorts of annoyed. I was upset that I was the one raising this communication breakdown, because it showed that I valued the relationship a little more than him (?). I was annoyed that I was sensitive to these dynamics while it didn’t bother him at all.

But a light switch flipped inside of me.

While having this heart wrenching conversation with him, I made a profound realisation. Why am I complaining when I could be channelling my time, energy and efforts into accomplishing awesome projects and improving myself? Why am I complaining when I am perfectly capable of achieving amazing things, when I have an amazing network of friends, when I have a bazillion things to do on my to-do list that haven’t been done? Since when did I become so dependent?

The situation has given me a surge of newfound energy to be evermore curious! I’m so excited for the second half of 2017 and I’m so excited to take massive and immediate action! I love that I started this blog (it provides me great stress relief) and I’m proud of myself for prioritising my health. I’m excited to be on this mission to look great and feel great!

Hope you have a fab day guys!

Stay HAM FAM xx

People often say that women are at a loss when they break up with a guy. I used to think this had something to do with our “ticking biological clock” and how we expire after reaching a certain age. But that’s bullsh*t. I’ve come to realise that the REAL reason is because we’ve spent all those years shaping a clueless boy into a real gentle man and the next girl he dates reaps the rewards of our hard work.

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